BK Breakfast Muffin

BK Breakfast Muffin at Burger King
Fuck you, Burger King.

Like everyone else, I occasionally succumb to advertising. I thought the commercial was funny, the one where the king and his big plastic head break into McDonald's corporate offices to steal the McMuffin file and then scoot off into the night. Funny and effective, because it made me wonder: if BK really is making a replica of the McMuffin, a signature item in McD's evil repertoire, and branding it by admitting theft, can it really be exactly the same as a McMuffin?

The answer is no. Impossibly, it is worse. Much, much worse. Completely disgusting. Inedible. Granted, it is an English muffin -- or at least some dried-out, brick-hard, tasteless version of one -- with scrambled egg, sausage and melted fake cheese. There once was a time that I found some merit in occasionally eating fast food, particularly sampling new items from fast food menus, because I figure it's cheap and normal, and most people in America are eating it on a somewhat regular basis. This way, I will never slip too far into the snobbish, self-important realm of the traditional food critic or restaurant writer. Like a politician who tours the scary side of town to shake hands and hold babies, I could stay in touch with the common eater always. But after this "meal" ... fuck all that. I'll stick to taco shops and greasy diners to get my regular-people-regular-food fix. Breakfast at BK is out.

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